now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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