I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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