Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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