Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
