Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My ATM looks so different sober.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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