I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
whose parrot is this?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
