i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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