Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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