Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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