Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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