I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
