He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
