Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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