I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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