20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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