Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
