I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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