I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
