im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
