"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
