I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
