ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
did i just pee glitter
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
