Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
