I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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