Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
