Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
