from now on my penis is your penis
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
