we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
