so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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