Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
