my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
