i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
