his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
