Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You are a genius and a whore.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
