i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
