I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
