i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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