I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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