That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There's always time for handjobs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
