the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's never too late to be topless.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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