Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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