Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
