He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
