onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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