I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
