I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and she was petting her beer can
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
