Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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