Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
