Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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