4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
