she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
